Our Loss
Hey. So, last week was a roller coaster ride of emotions. Nicki and I were discussing today how much we should share with the internet world and Nicki's exact words were "I want to share this with people, but some people suck." I think she was referring to people who judge other people's lives and emotions from an outside perspective. So, we share this from a vulnerable state.
Anyway, last Monday we went in for our second home study interview and our social worker was late but for good reason. She came in and explained that she was late because there was a very rare placement opportunity that she was working on that she wanted to run by us. We were completely shocked because we expected to talk about our home life and environment but instead we talked about the potential for us to complete our home study and have a placement in our home within a month. She said that they were looking for an adoptive family for a sibling group of three kids. The 3 year old girl, and 2 year old twins (one girl and one boy) were described as having a few minor special needs and as very cute. In addition, these kids were ready to be adopted. Their parents' rights had already been terminated and they had recently been removed from their previous pre-adoptive home, ready for a family to adopt them. According to our worker, we were a great fit and if we agreed to this she was committed to push our home-study through as soon as she could.
My first thought when she brought it up was, "no". I had never wanted three children much less three at once, only two years apart. But the more they talked the more I warmed up to it. I sat there silently freaking out, while Nicki asked question after question about their specific case, a timeline for placement, and their needs, behaviors, and personalities. The last question Nicki asked was,"When do we need to let you know if we are interested in this placement?" Their response, "As soon as possible, Thursday at the latest."
We went home and processed all of this information as best as we could. Then Tuesday, we received their case write-up which gave us all of their information such as, names, physical appearance, personalities, special needs, and other situations. This gave us more and more to talk about and process. Every part of this situation looked and felt like God was leading and that He wanted us to follow with obedience. With all of this information, not only were we able to decide we wanted them, were able to begin to make an emotional tie to them as our kids. We said yes, to these kids, to give them a loving and safe home, to be their mom and dad. We emailed our social worker on Wednesday night and by Thursday morning we had a response back.
But, the response was not what we wanted. Although we said yes, they said no. Our social worker informed us that although the state (our worker) was thrilled that we were interested, the county (who works on behalf of the kids) decided that they needed a completed home-study and a home for the kids as soon as the next week. It was over. As quickly as we had fallen in love with these kids without even meeting them, we lost them.
This has been an emotional couple of days. We feel loss, pain, frustration, sadness, confusion, and are tired. One of the hardest parts of this was being around 2-3 year old kids over the past couple of days as a constant reminder of what they are like at that age. Another difficult part was answering the question, "how's the adoption process going?" We just hadn't been ready to share much and so we lied and talked about our home-study instead of actually talking about this process. So, sorry if we lied to you recently.
So, that's where we are. That's how the adoption process is going lately. We know that God has a reason for this situation and we know that He'll let us know what that is someday. We are still committed to trust and follow Him as he guides us and we will continue to say yes if He wants us to even though it might not work out how we want. After all, we kinda signed up for this. Thanks for your prayers and your continued prayers.
There is so much we could share about how God has been working in our hearts over the past couple of days and has reminded us of His faithfulness but instead, I will close out this post by sharing with you one verse and one song that has reminded us of God's work and sovereignty in our lives. Thanks for reading.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace, as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)
Anyway, last Monday we went in for our second home study interview and our social worker was late but for good reason. She came in and explained that she was late because there was a very rare placement opportunity that she was working on that she wanted to run by us. We were completely shocked because we expected to talk about our home life and environment but instead we talked about the potential for us to complete our home study and have a placement in our home within a month. She said that they were looking for an adoptive family for a sibling group of three kids. The 3 year old girl, and 2 year old twins (one girl and one boy) were described as having a few minor special needs and as very cute. In addition, these kids were ready to be adopted. Their parents' rights had already been terminated and they had recently been removed from their previous pre-adoptive home, ready for a family to adopt them. According to our worker, we were a great fit and if we agreed to this she was committed to push our home-study through as soon as she could.
My first thought when she brought it up was, "no". I had never wanted three children much less three at once, only two years apart. But the more they talked the more I warmed up to it. I sat there silently freaking out, while Nicki asked question after question about their specific case, a timeline for placement, and their needs, behaviors, and personalities. The last question Nicki asked was,"When do we need to let you know if we are interested in this placement?" Their response, "As soon as possible, Thursday at the latest."
We went home and processed all of this information as best as we could. Then Tuesday, we received their case write-up which gave us all of their information such as, names, physical appearance, personalities, special needs, and other situations. This gave us more and more to talk about and process. Every part of this situation looked and felt like God was leading and that He wanted us to follow with obedience. With all of this information, not only were we able to decide we wanted them, were able to begin to make an emotional tie to them as our kids. We said yes, to these kids, to give them a loving and safe home, to be their mom and dad. We emailed our social worker on Wednesday night and by Thursday morning we had a response back.
But, the response was not what we wanted. Although we said yes, they said no. Our social worker informed us that although the state (our worker) was thrilled that we were interested, the county (who works on behalf of the kids) decided that they needed a completed home-study and a home for the kids as soon as the next week. It was over. As quickly as we had fallen in love with these kids without even meeting them, we lost them.
This has been an emotional couple of days. We feel loss, pain, frustration, sadness, confusion, and are tired. One of the hardest parts of this was being around 2-3 year old kids over the past couple of days as a constant reminder of what they are like at that age. Another difficult part was answering the question, "how's the adoption process going?" We just hadn't been ready to share much and so we lied and talked about our home-study instead of actually talking about this process. So, sorry if we lied to you recently.
So, that's where we are. That's how the adoption process is going lately. We know that God has a reason for this situation and we know that He'll let us know what that is someday. We are still committed to trust and follow Him as he guides us and we will continue to say yes if He wants us to even though it might not work out how we want. After all, we kinda signed up for this. Thanks for your prayers and your continued prayers.
There is so much we could share about how God has been working in our hearts over the past couple of days and has reminded us of His faithfulness but instead, I will close out this post by sharing with you one verse and one song that has reminded us of God's work and sovereignty in our lives. Thanks for reading.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace, as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)
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Praying you through this journey :)
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